The Secret To Life

This is my first book! In a way I can't believe I'm finally writing a book. I've always wanted to be an author, but a subject never grabbed hold of me deep enough to motivate me to finally sit down and write one, and a good one to boot! How does someone like Stephen King do it? I've heard that he has written something almost every single day of his life since he was in diapers. In fact, his first work was written using Melba toast and Gerber's mashed bananas (my favorite!). The storyline was a somewhat straightforward tale of a cute, cuddly adopted baby boy, who singlehandedly strangled his loving adopted family with his own umbilical cord. By the time this little prince was done, his "new" mom, dad, brother & sisters and grandparents were six feet under. On top of this, the smart little tike was able to prove himself innocent in a court of law. It was actually a gripping tale. The only thing that worries me about Mr. King is that all of his stories are horror stories, and that's just a little too genre specific for such a prolific writer, don't you think? In the end, I think it's lucky for us that he has found writing as his main outlet for all those nasty ideas, the alternative is a little too scary to think about. Anyhow, I have to admit that the last time I tried to write a book it evolved, quite quickly, into a steamy pornographic short story (is there any other kind?). Although I knew in my heart it was very well written, with a very happy ending indeed, I have to admit that I was a little ashamed of it. After all, it wasn't quite the type of reading material you proudly hand out to friends, family and co-workers. It ended up being quietly filed away (after numerous re-readings and revisions) into a big metal file cabinet in my office at the time, under "P", never to be seen again. I always wondered if anyone ever found and read it, I would have loved to have heard their opinion of it - my first critic!

So the topic of my first book is "The Secret To Life" (TSTL™) and wow, I have to agree, it is a very, very deep topic for a first book attempt, but I figured since I discovered TSTL, it was my patriotic, unselfish duty to share it with the rest of the planet. Now, I promise I will reveal this important contribution to mankind at some point, but first you must bear with me. There is a certain literary path I am compelled to go down (i.e. therapy) in order to work my way to this cathartic revelation and I must ask for your cooperation and patience along the way. I do sincerely appreciate this! Now, to make this journey as easy and as comfortable as possible, I must ask a simple favor of you, my readers. Let's all start this book under the simple assumption that everything I sayis the absolute truth. Once this is agreed upon by everyone, all else will fall nicely into place and the book will make perfect sense to you and change your life, I promise! Now, the next ethical thing I must say is that most of what I'm writing here are my opinions and being human, I could be wrong, especially when it comes to facts and figures (not that there are any facts or figures in here), but I will promise that if at all possible, I'll be the first one to point out any error(s) I have made. As comedian Dennis Miller always says after one of his engaging tirades, "after all, It's just my opinion, I could be wrong." Just think how nice it would be if everyone had this enlightened view of themselves.